Helfer

Kürzlich bekam ich eine e-Mail unbekannter Herkunft, die mich auf eine mir bisher fremde Website schickte. Dort wurde unser Verein in einem polemischen Beitrag kritisiert, der die Arbeit für die Geflohenen deutlich zu stören, den Verein gegen andere Helfer auszuspielen suchte.

Beim Lesen dachte ich zuerst an eine AfD-Quelle, dann aber glaubte ich, den Stil des mir sehr wohl bekannten ehemaligen Mitglieds W. zu erkennen. Er hatte den Verein verlassen, weil es ihm dort an Basisdemokratie mangelte, weil Treffen zu Terminen stattfanden, die ihm nicht passten, weil  man die von ihm vorgenommene Veröffentlichung von Namen Geflohener im Internet kritisiert hatte und seine Arbeit  – ihm zufolge – nicht genügend gewürdigt wurde. Jetzt erscheint es ihm offenbar wichtiger zu stören, als Hilfe durch andere zuzulassen. Diese Ichbezogenheit von Helfern ist jedoch keine Ausnahme, wie ich in den vergangenen beiden Jahren  lernen musste.

Anfangs gab es große Hilfsbereitschaft in der Stadt wie im ganzen Land, scheinbar eine starke Empathie. Inzwischen habe ich meine Zweifel. „Ich glaube, dass viele Menschen damals im September 2015 und auch in den Folgemonaten von einer sonderbaren Begeisterung erfasst waren. Das wurde häufig als Empathie bezeichnet. Was aber möglicherweise in vielen Fällen stattgefunden hat ist, dass die Menschen sich mit den Helfern identifiziert haben. Sie haben sich gar nicht so sehr auf die Flüchtlinge direkt eingelassen, haben keine langfristigen Beziehungen und Freundschaften aufgebaut, sondern wollten sich als die Helfer sehen, als die Guten. Und das ist etwas anderes als Empathie. ... Wer Anerkennung will, erwartet auch Dank„, sagt der Kognitionswissenschaftler Fritz Breithaupt , aber: „Falsche Empathie ist nicht von langer Dauer„. Bis zum Unmut über die Flüchtlinge sei es nur ein kurzer Weg. Ich habe den Eindruck, auch viele Helfer der Anfangszeit bei uns suchten vor allem  die dankbaren Blicke und Gesten der Hilfesuchenden, das gute Gefühl, Gutes zu tun, Punkte zu sammeln vor Gott und dem eigenen Gewissen. Fordernder Alltag und dessen Aufgaben, ungenügende Dankesbezeugungen und befremdliches Verhalten von Geflohenen führten zu abnehmender Lust an regelmäßiger Hilfestellung. Mit Entschuldigungen wie: man brauche Zeit für die eigenen Aufgaben, der Urlaub warte, die Situation komme unpassend usw. verabschiedete  sich manch einer aus dem Kreis der Helfer oder verschwand ganz ohne Erklärung.
Anderen gefiel die Vereinsgründung nicht, entweder aus Prinzip oder wegen angeblich mangelnder Demokratie oder weil da kein bezahlter Job zu haben war und  das Engagement  kontinuierliche Arbeit ohne Dank erfordert.
Glücklicherweise gibt es auch Menschen, die inzwischen liebgewordenen Familien zur Seite stehen, ohne Organisation und ohne  Öffentlichkeit. Andere wiederum  unterstützen den Verein durch ihre Mitgliedschaft und aktive Mitarbeit und motivieren zum Weitermachen.

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